On a Saturday evening, I sat with my wife in our apartment at the dining table and clinked our glasses. We finally did it. We celebrated our first year together as husband and wife. It wasn't easy but for every difficult moment, there were twenty-five or so good moments to outweigh it. Rather than showing a whole slideshow of us doing couple poses in various locations, I thought I might share the things I've learned as the husband to a very special woman and as well as the importance of having someone to turn to. If you're thinking about getting married, consider these few words of advice.
I learned a lot about life from Tuesdays With Morrie. I haven't read it in over a decade but I still remember a lot of the quotes, many of which have influenced the way I approached my relationship with Jeni.
"... there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike."
I think the first thing we asked each other after getting married in Las Vegas was, "What do we do now? What does a married couple do right after putting the rings on? Most people will probably buy a house and have children. We decided to skip all of that for the time being.
For a lot of newlyweds, it's the first of many uphill battles. There is such a thing as personal space and it takes at least a year to really find out which buttons you can and can't push. Thank god we got that out all the way. Although I'll occasionally find unclosed drawers or those stupid hair-ties all over the place, I've learned to suck it up and take care of it myself. I know she's done something similar for me. If you don't discuss the things that irritate you, it will only get pent up and be released like an H-bomb. You can't change everyone but you can compromise.
Children. We love my nephew to death and after several days of taking care of him, we knew that a child would not be in the works anytime soon. I know things will change when we do have a child, but for now, it's about enjoying our time together before we both get saggy with nasty stretch marks. Who knew that a 3 year old could need so much attention and sugar. God. I love him still though.
I've learned that you have to live each day like it's the last. Especially on the dance floor. Jeni and I have no problem being the first people to open up the dance floor at any wedding because we don't care what people think. There's no one I'd rather dance with than my Chuck Taylor-sporting wife. And when I'm breaking out into a calorie-burning workout to some 90s hip hop, you know you have a good wife when she's there to hand you a mini towel and say something sweet like, "Here. You're disgusting."
I've learned that even when you don't care to do something, you just have to do it because you're now one unit. I can't tell you how many times Jeni has reluctantly gone with me on taco runs because I was hungry at 1 am. She would sit in the car even if she didn't feel like downing some buche but was still happy to be hanging out.
I've learned that she would be up for any show, even if she had not heard of the band. This photo was taken at the Bon Iver show at the Hollywood Forever cemetery at around 6 am. She was bundled up like a cocoon with dew all over her, but still smiling in enjoyment.
I've learned that we could work together, no matter what we did. When I used to do catering, she served as a waitress and even as my sous chef. She didn't care to do cooking and prepping for all the parties, but was always there to make sure I would keep my cool and make things happen. This year, on top of our full-time jobs, we shot six great weddings and learned how to rely on each other to cover all bases. She would do the couple shots, I would cover the reception – vice versa. Wedding photography is not easy because of the high tension and shenanigans that go on but seeing how calm she was only made things flow "like the salmon of San Juan Capistrano." You can view some of our work here.
I've learned that we could not travel the same way we do with anyone else. While most people will visit scenic spots or tourist attractions, our main motive for traveling is to photograph and eat food. It's a lot of fattening fun. I remember the time we were in Rio de Janeiro during our honeymoon and heading to see the famous Christ the Redeemer statue on top of the mountain. Seeing that it was a big deal to get up there, we said screw it – took a super distant photo of it and went straight to a restaurant. This was taken after our tasty meal at Portland's Beast restaurant. If you're planning on having children, it's best to get the travel bug taken care of first... which is what we're doing!
A year later, we're older but we're also stronger as a couple. Instead of going out to dinner for our celebration, we decided to lay low and keep things between us. With all the new restaurants opening up in Los Angeles, it can get a little tiring eating out. Not to mention the consumption of all that butter in each dish. It can get a little much. On a cold night, we headed to the Fairfax Farmer's Market. It was a surprise menu so I sent her off towards the Grove while I headed for groceries.
I walked by all the butchers and seafood stores and really thought about all the food that we ate this year. At one point, we were heavily into places that did gorgeous plating, but that appreciation slowly faded because after a while, it didn't look like food anymore – it was art really. At the end of the day, I'll take a dish cooked by a loved one over the hottest chef's creations. It's about warming the soul, not so much the eyes.
Since this was a special occasion, I decided to cough it up for one of the tastiest mushrooms around. To me, I think this is a more well-balanced, wholesome mushroom than a truffle. And a fraction of the cost although it clocks in at a whopping $20+/lb. Ouch.
Risotto is one of those dishes that like a child, needs constant nurturing. It's easy to spoil it and ruin it, but with a careful hand and a glass of wine, making it can be rewarding.
Cold weather is a clear indication that it's time to break out the Le Creuset and braise something. The chances of making a bad braised dish are low as you can pretty much make meat taste good with very little vegetables, stock, herbs and wine.
Fanny Bay Oysters
Every day is a good day for oysters. Jeni wasn't too fond of shellfish before she met me but I'm very happy now that I have an oyster partner in crime. These oysters were from Whole Foods, and they weren't that fresh. I'd suggest Carlsbad Aquafarm at the Hollywood Farmer's Market or Glendale's Fish King.
Seared Diver Scallops and Corn/Cherry Tomatoes with Jalapeno Creme Fraiche
I went simple with this Fall combination. I basically put together three things that I really enjoy… scallops, corn and creme fraiche. This was light and really tasty. After searing the scallops, I quickly sauteed the corn and cherry tomatoes and lightly glazed it with a dollop of creme fraiche and chopped jalapeno.
Pan-Fried Veal Sweetbreads with Bacon/Brussel Sprouts and Spinach Cream Sauce
I was lucky to find these sweetbreads at one of the butchers. A big portion of it only cost a few dollars. I soaked the sweetbreads in a bowl of milk with salt for 6 hours. I then lightly dipped it in some salted-flour and pan-fried them in a little butter and olive oil. Most sweetbreads I've had are extremely moist, but because I only let them sit for 6 hours, there was still a nice bite to the already-soft sweetbreads. The combination of the spinach cream and slightly-charred taste of the bacon/brussel sprouts were really good together.
Alaskan Halibut with Chanterelles, Curried Lentils and Sauteed Swiss Chard
One of our favorite restaurants is A.O.C. for Suzanne Goin's mediterranean style. I decided to do a fish dish similar to something I had eaten there a while back. As you can tell, I like pan-seared dishes because they are light and maintain a simple taste to it. To save time, we bought Trader Joe's pre-cooked lentils which is SO HELPFUL. Add some curry powder, thyme, butter and finely-minced carrots and onions and your side dish is done.
Braised Short Rib with Chanterelles & Creamy Reggiano Risotto
This dish was obviously a bit on the heavier side so I only served up a small portion of it. I loved eating the tender meat with the nutty & earthy chanterelles. The risotto was flavored with Sauvignon Blanc wine, heavy cream and freshly micro-planed reggiano cheese.
As I'm finishing up on this posting, I'm staring at both of our plump backpacks. It's that time again where we escape the lovely City of Angels, and head somewhere far for some R&R. This year, we're heading to half of Jeni's motherland, Vietnam, my dad's home country of Laos and Cambodia. I could not be more excited about the street food in every country. Time for 2-legged, 4-legged and 6-8 legged delicacies. I've never been to Southeast Asia and I'm imagining some of our photos will look something like this...
Happy Holidays and thanks for your readership – it's been another great year.
See you in 2010!
