Eat Drink Style Who the Hell is Kikkoman???

Who the hell is Kikkoman?! It was only a matter of time that someone would create some sort of comic book hero based on the soy sauce brand's name. Enter: the Japanese. This is annoying at first, but now the song is EMBEDDED in my sick mind. Making me even more sick. I love how his enemies are Worcestershire Sauce and Heinz ketchup. Enjoy!

Kikkoman!!!

Eat Drink Style Cup O' C**k: The Most Unappetizing Meal - Red Lion Tavern, Silverlake

It was Friday and I was hungry after work. My coworker and I headed over to one of our favorite places to drink in Silverlake - the Red Lion Tavern. J and MM met us up and we started the weekend with our favorite German brews. A nice Spaten, a few shots of Jagermeister and one or two Irish Carbombs. I usually order the sausage platters which consists of three types of sausages along with the perfect companion of sauerkraut and mustard. Its chopped up and poked with a dozen or so toothpicks. Our server was this really fun and playful German girl by the name of V. Throughout the time we were there, we threw joke jabs at each other. Great sense of humor this V. So then I decided to order some food. I wasn't feeling anything heavy and felt like drinking soup. Mmm, this sounds good.... the Beerstein Soup... a split pea soup and wiener. I'll take one V.

What I was about to witness, was horrific. Behold....

The Cup O' C**k soup!

Me: "Wait, wait, wait... V, what the hell is this?!"
V: "Ees vut you ordered. Beerstein soup."
Me: "You're kidding me right?"
V: (with a wicked grin) "No. This is how ve serve it."
Me: "........ Vut the fuck?"

Before she could walk away, I caught her laughing. Very slick I thought haha. J, MM and my coworker were just as shocked as I was. So were the two tables next to us... who couldn't hold in their laughs. I looked at them and held my hands up in a WTF gesture. One of the guys said "Looks good." I was thinking to myself, did we do anything to V to deserve this??? I know it clearly says Beerstein Soup... but couldn't the cooks plate this in any other way. Thomas Keller and Wylie Dufresne can make this look beautiful and they certainly wouldn't go the phallic route. But this... seemed more like something Sandra Lee would do.

Sandra: "Today we're making my favorite soup... Cup O' C**k. All you have to do is buy your favorite split pea soup at the market - I like Campbell's. Buy your favorite wieners and use your handy kitchen shears to open them up. Then you heat up the soup in the microwave, pour it into your favorite beer stein and add the wiener. How easy was that. And it's so good. Nothing says German to me like Cup O' C**k. Mmm, I love c**k!!!"

I quickly took the wiener out and chopped that shit up... as to destroy any phallic thoughts brewing in people's minds. The table next to us was still getting a kick out of it. If you really wanna know, the soup sucked. It was warm and the wiener was just average. The food here is average, but definitely a fun place to drink beer with friends in the beer garden. If this was a joke, that was a good one V. You're funny.

Red Lion Tavern
2366 Glendale Blvd.
Los Angeles, Ca 90039
(323) 662-5337
www.redliontavern.net

Eat Drink Style All New Products From the Fabulous Fool Network!

I love Bobby. You love Bobby. Everyone loves Bobby. Why not show him your love with his new dartboard? Feel free to print this out and have at it. Keep it real, Bobby.

Read about Bobby Boy here.

And by popular demand, the laziest host on the Fool Network... Sandra Lee. For 3-installments of $$14.95, you get to serve Sandra with some of your favorite recipes. Maybe a piping hot bowl of lefthook? Or maybe a bone-in roasted uppercut?

Read about Sandra Lee here.

Eat Drink Style Mark Ryden & The Meat Show

This is the same joyous feeling I have when walking into 99 Ranch Market's meat section or any of the chinese zoos (chinese BBQ restaurants like Sam Woo). It's like a candy shop to me. This painting is by one of my favorites, Mark Ryden, in his older exhibits called "The Meat Show" and "Wondertoonel". The whole exhibition consisted of 18+ paintings with freshly-cut meat as the subject. Here's the link. Anyway, for anyone interested in this style of art, Ryden has a new exhibit at the Michael Kohn Gallery, called "The Tree Show". Afterwards, go drink some MILK!

Mark Ryden
www.markryden.com

Michael Kohn Gallery
8071 Beverly Blvd (and Crescent Heights)
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(323) 658-8088

Eat Drink Style Hometown Buffet - The Perfect Un-Valentine's Day Dinner

Sunday morning, I woke up and started flipping through the freshly printed newspaper. I wasn't reading any of the articles, but rather thinking of where I was going to take J for Valentine's Day. For many, Valentine's is short for gift and snazzy dinner. I'm really not into holidays, or rather, non-holidays such as Valentine's day, but it was going to be our first. Was Valentine's Day a cruel day created by marketers at Hallmark or by women who want to gauge their man's affection and commitment? Whatever the case - I didn't have anything planned. I could spend $200 on sushi. I could go to a posh restaurant and select their prix fixe menu. But all of those just sounded so... booked and overdone. Besides, almost every decent restaurant in LA was probably booked with lovebirds. Last year's V-Day was fun because I went with a friend to Beacon and gawked at all the couples gazing into one another's eyes over pork belly and seared albacore. They were all in a trance. I gave J a call.

Me: "Hey, what do you wanna do for Valentine's?"
J: "I don't know. Surprise me. I like surprises."
Me: "Ok. How about something... different?"
J: "Different is good. Prix fixe sounds good."
Me: "Ok, careful what you wish for."

I jumped back into flipping through the newspaper. Where was I going to find an inexpensive place with a prix fixe menu. Nothing left in the newspaper, but a stack of coupons and direct mail. I went ahead and perused it and eureka... here was what I was looking for!

Oh... yes. A coupon for two to Hometown Buffet. Different? Check. Surprising? Double-check! Prix fixe? Oh-yes, triple check... a $10.69 + tax prix fixe menu. For those that don't know what Hometown Buffet is - think of it as an all-you-can-eat Sizzler, minus all that popcorn shrimp and shrimp scampi. I called J right away.

Me: "Ok, I've got a place."
J: "Yeah? Where?"
Me: "Mmm, they've got a reasonably priced, prix fixe and it's definitely different."
J: "Oh nice. Where?"
Me: "Hometown Buffet."
J: "...... what?"
Me: "I'm serious. They've got coupons too haha."
J: "Haha! Let's do it."
*high-5*

Wednesday night, after work, I drove off to J's place to pick her up. I had also forgotten to buy a gift. Any well-respected gentleman presents his lady with a gift on Valentine's Day. I didn't have anything in mind to buy. I was stuck. But as I was driving on Venice Blvd., something caught the corner of my eye. I saw a man and a woman standing behind a pack of stuffed bears. Furry white teddy bears holding red heart pillows, wrapped in cellophane. Oh nice... and only $8!! Wait? Is this cheesy? Who cares, I ended up buying one. Now, I had some company in my car.

I got to J's place and walked into her place with the bear covering my face. She freaked out and realized what I got her and started busting up.

J & Venice Blvd. Bear
You can't see it, but J is actually staring me down with evil contempt. She asked that I censor her face. The bear requested anonymity as well. Nice picture frame huh? It's furry too. This bear is going to be extinct very soon. RIP.

We got to Hometown Buffet at around 7:15 and the line was out the door - about 40 people waiting to get their $10.69-grubbing on.

The Buffet Line
I was baffled - I didn't know if we were at the DMV or Hometown Buffet. The line was painfully slow. People were pacing back and forth. Everyone eyeing each other to see if anyone would attempt to inch past their place in line. Hometown Buffet should just offer motor-vehicle services. That'd be nice to get the license mugshot and a $10.69 meal all in one stop. There would be less angry (and less hungry) people in the world.

Pure Class... and Glass
To make this evening even more special, I took a lunch break at Target and picked up tea candles, two plastic wine-glasses (re-usable of course - i'm not rich) and a snazzy wine-in-a-box package. (Hometown Buffet doesn't serve alcohol.) The wine box included 4 Hi-C like packages with a foil-sealed spout. I chose the 50% Cabernet and 50% Shiraz.

The Tablesetting
*Gasp* Breathtaking I know. A wrong pairing of reds to fried chicken, sliced ham, garlic mushrooms and canned, Sysco corn. What the hell is that thing in the back??? Whatever, this was supposed to be our special meal and Hometown Buffet lets you be your own chef. After shooting the photo, I took a sip of the 50/50 Cab/Shiraz varietal made by the Target Vineyards. My thoughts on this wine? It really wasn't 50% Cab and 50% Shiraz... it was more like 100% undrinkable. 100% refund too, please.

Deep Sea Creature
Do not be frightened. J's first dish resembled an angler fish. If you threw this in front of Jacques Costeau, he'd have a genus species name for this dish within a few minutes and have it mapped in a fish family tree. This 2,000-calorie creature inhabits the sheet pans and chaffing dishes of Hometown Buffet. This still looked better than a lot of the dishes presented at the first annual Iron Chef Souplantation.

Fried Chicken
Oh yes. This wasn't bad at all. I prefer it over KFC, but definitely not over Popeye's and Mrs. Knott's. The skin was nice and crispy and the meat was very moist - it just wasn't that flavorful. Needed some more salt and cayenne/paprika. I still ended up eating 5 drum sticks and am paying the price with a 'yeet hay' sore.

Mound O' Mac
To make the night even cheesier, I indulged in HTB's mac n' cheese pit. Honestly, I don't mind Souplantation's mac n' cheese. It's bland but they leave it to you to flavor it with their table salt/pepper. Hometown Buffet's is way better because it's similar to TV dinner M&C. Yes, microwave M&C is one of my guilty pleasures - as well as Jeno's pizza. I wouldn't be surprised if I caught the cooks back there emptying hundreds of boxes of Swanson's mac n' cheese into a chaffing dish. I had 2 rounds of this, mmm.

Steak???
The USDA rates all of the beef before being sold. Prime being the best, then Choice and Select. This quality of meat was unidentifiable. It was the lonely stepchild of all meats, placed in the dark, unmarked on a dusty rack, crying in naked/fetal position. The marking on the label probably looks something like "USDA??? Beef??? Sell by ??????" Maybe it's a zebra? Anyway, I constructed my own Steak Frites dish for under $10.69. Don't bother asking Hometown Buffet for Steak Frites because you'll get a blank stare. just go make it yourself. I ate 3 pieces of the beef and stopped before dislocating my jaw from overchewing.

Pinkberry! 911!
In addition to the fries, J feasted on two bowls of these. Like the beef, it's also the lonely, neglected stepchild of all meats, crying in naked/fetal position. I wonder how soon it'll be before Pinkberry starts selling their machines within convenience stores or selling boxed frozen yogurt in supermarkets.


A Moment of Affection and Indigestion
After the many plates of food, we couldn't move and ended talking for a little while. We then went over to a 'Valentine's Day' booth that Hometown Buffet set up and took a few goofy photos. Although this wasn't a typical Valentine's Day venue, we had a total blast eating here. J was so happy that we followed through haha. We both didn't really care for V-Day, but if we were going to go out, we should try doing something different. We looked at the many other couples and family who were here tonight enjoying their evening. And although not everyone eating here is wealthy enough to enjoy the finer places in LA (including us of course), they still knew how to enjoy themselves. Because at the end of the day (and bill), whether it be a nice meal or a hole-in-the-wall meal, it's about having good company.

On the drive back, J passed out because of food coma and I was slowly feeling the effects of the Sysco corn and Target Vineyard wine, hitting me. I looked over at the sleepy one and smiled and thought to myself... "what a cool girl I have."

P.S. The coupon is fake, so don't bother printing it out. haha. Happy Un-V Day to J and thanks for reading.

Eat Drink Style Korean-Mexican Fusion: Korean BBQ Kalbi Tacos?

What I like best about living in LA is the accessibility to almost any type of food you crave. The SGV is home to many cantonese, chinese and taiwanese establishments. Little Tokyo and the South Bay are home to delicious japanese food. Thai food in Hollywood, etc. But Koreatown has to be one of the largest ethnic enclaves in Los Angeles. Within Koreatown, there's also a growing population of Latinos. Mmm... korean food and mexican food - such good stuff. We've all heard of musical mash-ups. An old 80's song with a current hip hop track, i.e. Same goes with fusion food, which has been the culinary trend of late.

Back in college, bbqing was something that we did frequently. At this one particular bbq, we had a mix of korean bbq ribs and carne asada tacos. A few hours later, after constant binge drinking and eating, we found ourselves left with no carne asada but a gang of ribs. Yet we still wanted tacos. I thought, hey why not use the korean bbq meat. It's still beef. Keep in mind, I wasn't very sober. Without salsa, the only spicy thing in sight was either the trusty Sriracha bottle that never seemed to run out and the jar o' kimchi for god knows how long it was first opened. I chopped up the korean bbq beef and added some chopped kimchi, cilantro, green onions and a nice dollop of guac. Honestly it was good... for being drunk.

And how does it taste in a sober state? I had to find out again after nearly 5 years. I marinated some beef with soy sauce, coke, black pepper, garlic, onions, scallions, sesame oil and water. I wasn't able to find good kimchi and had to resort to the Cosmos brand - bleh. So watery. I grilled the meat at J's place and prepared a kalbi taco the same way 5 years ago. Beef, kimchi, cilantro, green onions, guac... and to add more of a korean flair - sesame seeds. Although my korean bbq marinade sucked, it still tasted good because of the large mix of ingredients. I had to give it to Miss Taco Hunt for the final verdict.

Miss Taco Hunt: "It's good."
Me: "Yeah, and?"
Miss Taco Hunt: "Tastes like a cross between a carne asada taco and a pupusa. They use a pickled cabbage similar to kimchi."
Me: "And?"
Miss Taco Hunt: "Meat is too red."
Me: "Would you eat this again?"
Miss Taco Hunt: "Yeah... maybe."

Would these do well in the LA/Koreatown area? Probably not. Bandini of Great Taco Hunt would probably look at me like I'm crazy. Hey! Guys like weird food. We like Yoshinoya - girls don't! But, one day, if you happen to see a shoddy taco truck running on one spare tire, spitting out black exhaust with Korean & Spanish written on it... it's probably yours truly. So help me pay my rent! Thanks for reading.